Today

I had been a bit busy past few days, or you can say that I was not feeling like writing anythin. But, today I'm here to take it out. Last year had been verdifficult. I lost one of my very good friends, faced a break up and then, lost a job. But above all, there was some positive thing as well. I found a new best friend S. S had been a phone friend. I've met him just once, but last year we became very close after I broke off with my ex. S and I used to share our secrets, our joys, our weaknesses and much more. In short, we became kind of soulmates. Nowadys, he's away and we hardly communicate, but I miss him a lot.

Another, new person came into my life, my perspective boyfriend. After an on-off relationship, I've come to the conclusion that we both have different dreams. He wants and open relationship with no commiments while I'm looking for a long term (you can say respectable in terms of Indian sociaty), or the word M. We discuss things, like he says I should enjoy my life, hang out with boys till I find my husband. But for me it's like, I can't take chances this time. I can't be in a relationship while I'm looking for a husband. It's like being at 2 places at the same time. How can I be in a relationship with him on one hand and help my parents in searching an ideal groom for myself on the other hand? I know, it's very tough to be single and alone at times especially, when I don't have any job and nothing much to do. But, after my bad experieces, this time, I won't let anyone decide what I need to do. I'll better stay single rather than being used by someone. Anyways, my pespective BF in not that bad too. He's very supportive though. Never crosses his limits and listens to me every time. So, I kinda adore him for that. But I'm not sure for the love and marriage thing. So, I'm trying and maintaing distance.

I waited for his call whole day, but didn't call him as I don't want to love anyone this time as am afraid I'll lose him forever.